Depression in full force

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm in it in a bad way.  Everything just seems to be building up in me.

First, 2 of my BM's are really fed up with 2 of the other ones and calling me to vent about it.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to handle it.  The thing is, the 2 that the others are mad at, one isn't even really my friend anymore.  She's family, but we never talk.  She hasn't called to check up on us/me since we had the house fire or the broken leg, so how good of a friend can she be?  But, that doesn't even matter.  If you offered to do something, do it!  Don't leave people hanging.  And do it the right way, not the I'll just do it this way, way.  I have no clue how to even start handling it.  ERRRRRRR.

Second, I had a serious family argument over Christmas.  I didn't start it and I def didn't want to be in it, but I was brought into it and it affected me in a bad way.  Now, I found out what the cousin, who I got in the argument with, is saying about me and my family behind my back.  I really am fighting the urge to pick up the phone and tell him off.  He isn't around us everyday, he doesn't know what we actually are like, what we go there and how things are.  DON'T JUDGE IF YOU TRULY ARE NOT A PART OF IT AND DON'T KNOW.  ERRRRRR.

Third, my mom has been having chest pains.  It took everything we had to get her to the ER this weekend.  They didn't find anything and she needs to do a follow up with her dctr.  But, now I can't stop stressing over the things it could be.

Fourth, my mom needs a different car, a more reliable and safe one.  She is fighting me on this issue too.  But I want my mom to be safe. 

Fifth, I just don't think I can work at my job anymore.  One of our lenders was promoted to President.  I really thought he would make the needed changes and things would get better.  I'm not seeing that and it's really bothering me.  I wanted to have so much hope and see an awesome future with the company, but I just don't.  It seriously depresses me the thought of coming in to work.   I'm extremely sad the whole time I'm at work.  I won't even mention the part about me being scared because of some changes going on with my work bff.

Six, our house is so messy.  I just look around and see so much that needs done that I'm just not able to do.  I want to be able to walk again so I can straighten the house the way it needs to be.  Hell, I want to be able to walk again to help the hubby out.  I hate that he has to do everything.  It bothers me so much. 

Seven, my depression and ansyness about my leg is really putting a strain on my relationship.  I feel like I never see him.  He's always working and when he's home, he's always working on something in a different room than me.  I need to be close to a bathroom as much as possible, but that means never seeing him.  Then I get upset because I haven't seen him in hours, but yet, I have no clean clothes and the counter tops and floors still have crumbs and stickiness on them - what the hell have you been doing?

I need something good to happen and soon.  I can't handle any more bad stuff.

I would not wish this on my worst enemy

So, my girls weekend in Florida was a total bust.  The first day in, first thing in the morning, I broke my leg in two spots.  I ended spending all day that day in the ER until I had surgery that night and then the next two days in a hospital bed.  I had to have a rod put in, which that is the last thing bothering me.  My tib fracture hurts like hell and left me an ugly, ugly fracture blister.  I can feel the bones moving and adjusting down there everytime I move my leg.  Plus, I also broke my toe, but it's actually something broken in the top of my foot and it hurts like hell.  I have a walker or crutches on every floor of our house to get around.  It's such a pain.  I can barely carry anything so I'm not able to clean up the house like I'd like it to be or take care of myself.  I'm going insane.  The fiancee is trying and he's gotten better, but our house right now, is no were up to my standards.  And it's going to be a minimum of 2 months until I can start doing things on my own like that.  Needless to say I am very frustrated.  I cry on a daily basis of how hard this is.  I'd really rather take pain meds for the two months and not leave the bed.  It's embarressing trying to walk around in public with a walker.  I'm always holding everyone up and people stare like crazy.  I have zero appetite and nothing will quench my thirst.  I'm a depressed mess.

OH and of course, my Dallas trip had to be cancelled so both trips I was so looking forward to this winter ruined.  :(

If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.