Friday, July 29, 2011
Anxiety
Right now, I'm just not doing good. I cannot stop my mind from going crazy and thinking of everything. My little brother... the guy who has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone.... the guy who makes me laugh more than anyone else..... is sitting in maximum security jail. How is this possible? He is not a criminal! I'm not handling things well at all.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Court
I did have a talk with my brother this morning when I arrived to pick him up. I told him what he said to me Saturday and how he lied to me on Tuesday. He said, but I just did a little bit. Don't you just love the addicts mind? I explained I was really disappointed in him to hear that he did coke, but more disappointed that he lied to me because we've never had that type of relationship. I also told him that I told the cops that he had it in his system and that is why he was tested. I said, I can't have another addiction come into our lives. We cannot even begin to handle the one we have. I told him now is the time, tell the judge, I have a problem and need help.
Here's the issue. My brother is smart, in his own, but not book smart (and def legal smart) by any means. He was going in front of the judge by himself today. The judge asked him one question out of order for him, threw him off and now it's all screwed up. If the judge would have asked, how do you plea? He would have done no contest, said his words, got his sentencing. Unfortunately we forgot to discuss with him that the judge would ask if he wanted to speak to a lawyer. So, when the judge asked, he said yes. The judge then continued his case until next week and took him straight to jail.
I just sat there dumbfounded. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stand up and talk to the judge.
I've never felt so helpless. I screwed up by not planning correctly and studying with him on how to speak. Now I don't know what to do. We can't afford a lawyer again (and don't need one, really), but we do need someone to speak on my brothers behalf as he does not comprehend questions well AT ALL. Part of his learning disorder. It's not I can sit and coach him over the phone on how it'll work. Much less, during the limited visitation hours I can make. Right now, I'm hoping he can get a public defender before next court, next Wednesday, just to have someone help him with the questions. We did talk to him once already today and told him to ask the guards. I really have no clue how these things work.
My poor mom is already going crazy at the thought of not having him home. She called today asking to get my dog for the week. She doesn't handle the silence and "thinking non stop" well - well, neither of us do.
However, I will sleep well this week, with no worries of middle of the night phone calls.
Peace, Love & Laughter
Here's the issue. My brother is smart, in his own, but not book smart (and def legal smart) by any means. He was going in front of the judge by himself today. The judge asked him one question out of order for him, threw him off and now it's all screwed up. If the judge would have asked, how do you plea? He would have done no contest, said his words, got his sentencing. Unfortunately we forgot to discuss with him that the judge would ask if he wanted to speak to a lawyer. So, when the judge asked, he said yes. The judge then continued his case until next week and took him straight to jail.
I just sat there dumbfounded. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stand up and talk to the judge.
I've never felt so helpless. I screwed up by not planning correctly and studying with him on how to speak. Now I don't know what to do. We can't afford a lawyer again (and don't need one, really), but we do need someone to speak on my brothers behalf as he does not comprehend questions well AT ALL. Part of his learning disorder. It's not I can sit and coach him over the phone on how it'll work. Much less, during the limited visitation hours I can make. Right now, I'm hoping he can get a public defender before next court, next Wednesday, just to have someone help him with the questions. We did talk to him once already today and told him to ask the guards. I really have no clue how these things work.
My poor mom is already going crazy at the thought of not having him home. She called today asking to get my dog for the week. She doesn't handle the silence and "thinking non stop" well - well, neither of us do.
However, I will sleep well this week, with no worries of middle of the night phone calls.
Peace, Love & Laughter
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Finally got the call
His PO didn't call until today, two days after he was caught. He got called in and they did drug test (probably because of what I said to the cop) and he was positive for coke.
My first thought.... I didn't think coke showed up for more than 24 hours. Does that mean he's done it since Sunday???
I had hoped for a couple days in jail and an ankle bracelet but his PO told him that an ankle bracelet doesn't detect coke. So, I'm guessing that means jail time??? WHAT THE HELL is jail time going to do???? He needs forced counseling and a recovery program.
When my brother called me to tell me what happened, he flat out said he's never done coke. He must not remember telling me in his drunken stupor of the weekend that he does. I didn't mention it. I was hurt by more lies. I'm going to tomorrow though. I'm going to tell him that he did tell me he does coke and that was the moment I've been the most disappointed in anyone in my life. I want him to know he can't lie to me anymore and I'm worried about him. Will he go to jail thinking about that? Is it the right thing to do? I don't know what to think anymore. All I know is I'm very scared.
Thoughts and prayers appreciated.
My first thought.... I didn't think coke showed up for more than 24 hours. Does that mean he's done it since Sunday???
I had hoped for a couple days in jail and an ankle bracelet but his PO told him that an ankle bracelet doesn't detect coke. So, I'm guessing that means jail time??? WHAT THE HELL is jail time going to do???? He needs forced counseling and a recovery program.
When my brother called me to tell me what happened, he flat out said he's never done coke. He must not remember telling me in his drunken stupor of the weekend that he does. I didn't mention it. I was hurt by more lies. I'm going to tomorrow though. I'm going to tell him that he did tell me he does coke and that was the moment I've been the most disappointed in anyone in my life. I want him to know he can't lie to me anymore and I'm worried about him. Will he go to jail thinking about that? Is it the right thing to do? I don't know what to think anymore. All I know is I'm very scared.
Thoughts and prayers appreciated.
Monday, July 25, 2011
This past weekend
Things have been rough. My brother has been on a drinking binge for awhile now. He is in full on addict behavior. Lying horribly. I had too much faith and believed a lot of it. (The lie I hear most and believe -No, I haven't even drank today.) I was suppose to take him golfing a couple weeks ago and he picked alcohol over spending time with his sister, that made me sad itself.
He's also been drinking and driving alot lately. There's been some bad situations. Luckily no one has gotten hurt.
Well, this weekend we turned him in for all the stuff that's been happening. He is on probation (that's a whole other story) and not allowed to drink. He had been drinking non stop all weekend. He also told me that he's been doing coke with his boss. I think that's the part that set me over the edge. That's the part that got me to help my mom.
His truck was parked at his boss' house so we sat there all day on Sunday - 5 hours total, waiting for him to come home. We really wanted to make sure he didn't drive. It was a nice bonding time with my mom. He showed up and with his bosses help, let me drive his truck home for him. He was not in good shape. I got him home and watched to make sure he didn't leave. While my mom went to the police station to get an officer, who luckily is a really good guy, we know him well. She brought him over and he did a blow test on my brother. He blew .24. I couldn't believe it. The cop does treat my brother like a friend, or ever little brother. He knows he doesn't have any good male influence around and his good to him. He talked to him a lot, stern, but he did in a good way. I was impressed and thankful. My brother didn't argue and just said, 'I know, you're just doing your job.' The cop made his report and sent it to my brothers probation officer. As far as we know, his PO hasn't called me him today and it's going on 2:30.
He could face up to 6 months in jail now. I'm hoping for a few days time served and then an ankle monitor and serious alcohol counseling and treatment for a long time. Jail isn't going to do anything, he needs help.
I'm a devastated big sister. I'm scared that I was involved with this and it has ruined the friendship and closeness we have. I love this guy more than anything. I'm scared of the thoughts and fears going through his head right now. I just want to hug him and let him know that it will all be alright, but who really knows if it will?
Please keep him and my mom in your thoughts and prayers right now.
Side Note - I got sidetracked on my blog again. With the wedding, some philanthropy stuff I do, stress with my brother..... it got totally blown off. I'm back. I need to sit down and really put my thoughts down. Even if no one out there pays attention, I'm getting my head sorted by writing and that's what matters most.
I'm also planning on introducing my mom to a couple of the parents of addicts blogs I follow. They are most all due to drug addiction, but an addict is an addict and she will hopefully relate and find a kinship.
Peace, love and laughter..........
He's also been drinking and driving alot lately. There's been some bad situations. Luckily no one has gotten hurt.
Well, this weekend we turned him in for all the stuff that's been happening. He is on probation (that's a whole other story) and not allowed to drink. He had been drinking non stop all weekend. He also told me that he's been doing coke with his boss. I think that's the part that set me over the edge. That's the part that got me to help my mom.
His truck was parked at his boss' house so we sat there all day on Sunday - 5 hours total, waiting for him to come home. We really wanted to make sure he didn't drive. It was a nice bonding time with my mom. He showed up and with his bosses help, let me drive his truck home for him. He was not in good shape. I got him home and watched to make sure he didn't leave. While my mom went to the police station to get an officer, who luckily is a really good guy, we know him well. She brought him over and he did a blow test on my brother. He blew .24. I couldn't believe it. The cop does treat my brother like a friend, or ever little brother. He knows he doesn't have any good male influence around and his good to him. He talked to him a lot, stern, but he did in a good way. I was impressed and thankful. My brother didn't argue and just said, 'I know, you're just doing your job.' The cop made his report and sent it to my brothers probation officer. As far as we know, his PO hasn't called me him today and it's going on 2:30.
He could face up to 6 months in jail now. I'm hoping for a few days time served and then an ankle monitor and serious alcohol counseling and treatment for a long time. Jail isn't going to do anything, he needs help.
I'm a devastated big sister. I'm scared that I was involved with this and it has ruined the friendship and closeness we have. I love this guy more than anything. I'm scared of the thoughts and fears going through his head right now. I just want to hug him and let him know that it will all be alright, but who really knows if it will?
Please keep him and my mom in your thoughts and prayers right now.
Side Note - I got sidetracked on my blog again. With the wedding, some philanthropy stuff I do, stress with my brother..... it got totally blown off. I'm back. I need to sit down and really put my thoughts down. Even if no one out there pays attention, I'm getting my head sorted by writing and that's what matters most.
I'm also planning on introducing my mom to a couple of the parents of addicts blogs I follow. They are most all due to drug addiction, but an addict is an addict and she will hopefully relate and find a kinship.
Peace, love and laughter..........
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Day 13
A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
I'm going to come back to this one. I'm having a very emotional day and if I start writing a letter, I'll be bawling in minutes. I promise Day 13 will happen.
I'm going to come back to this one. I'm having a very emotional day and if I start writing a letter, I'll be bawling in minutes. I promise Day 13 will happen.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 12
How you found out about blogger and why you made one
I think I found out about blogger when my cousin made one. Somehow, I eventually came across addiction blogs and that soon became my addiction. After lurking for a long time on those, I decided to use this as a way of coping with the alcohol issues my brother has. I have since deleted all the posts that I originally started with, concerning those problems. I had left the blog writing world for a long time and when I was ready to come back, I was a different person and wanted my blog to represent the new me. My brother still has serious addiction problems that we deal with everyday, I just haven't had any horrible instances to have to write about - thank god.
Anywho, writing the blog is my secret. It's what I do for me, without anyone knowing. If know one ever reads it, I'm 100% ok with that. This is a form of therapy for me just to get things out there. Weird? Oh well.
I think I found out about blogger when my cousin made one. Somehow, I eventually came across addiction blogs and that soon became my addiction. After lurking for a long time on those, I decided to use this as a way of coping with the alcohol issues my brother has. I have since deleted all the posts that I originally started with, concerning those problems. I had left the blog writing world for a long time and when I was ready to come back, I was a different person and wanted my blog to represent the new me. My brother still has serious addiction problems that we deal with everyday, I just haven't had any horrible instances to have to write about - thank god.
Anywho, writing the blog is my secret. It's what I do for me, without anyone knowing. If know one ever reads it, I'm 100% ok with that. This is a form of therapy for me just to get things out there. Weird? Oh well.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 11
Another picture of you and your friends
Since I was writing about my sister earlier, I've decided to do a pic of her and I. We may not be the bestest friends, but I have hopes that every day we will grow closer. This was taken just a week ago at my bridal shower.
Isn't she beautiful????
Since I was writing about my sister earlier, I've decided to do a pic of her and I. We may not be the bestest friends, but I have hopes that every day we will grow closer. This was taken just a week ago at my bridal shower.
Isn't she beautiful????
Day 10
Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Wow, I can never narrow it down, but here's an idea
Wow, I can never narrow it down, but here's an idea
- Happy - Dancing Queen, Abba; I know you want me, Pitbull;
- Sad - Smile, from the Glee soundtrack
- Bored - I actually listen to podcasts or talk radio when I'm bored, but music wise, I'd say Miranda Lambert
- Hyped - same as happy!
- Mad - Eminem
Day 9
I cannot keep up! This weekend I was sicky all weekend and just couldn't get focused on anything.
Day 9 - Something you're proud of in the past few days
My little sister called me yesterday with some issues with her boyfriend. It's a long drawn out story that I can't even begin to think about right now. The thing that makes me proud is watching her stand by him. He may have lied and have may have some serious issues but she's such a giving gal. She knows his family is crap and is not there for him whatsoever and she said to me, I don't know what I would do without my family being there for me and I'm not going to let him go through that ever. Once we heard the whole story and the truth, I agree with her. He is still learning BUT having someone like my sister (and me too!) stand by his side will hopefully lead him in the right directions.
I couldn't be prouder of my little sister.
Day 9 - Something you're proud of in the past few days
My little sister called me yesterday with some issues with her boyfriend. It's a long drawn out story that I can't even begin to think about right now. The thing that makes me proud is watching her stand by him. He may have lied and have may have some serious issues but she's such a giving gal. She knows his family is crap and is not there for him whatsoever and she said to me, I don't know what I would do without my family being there for me and I'm not going to let him go through that ever. Once we heard the whole story and the truth, I agree with her. He is still learning BUT having someone like my sister (and me too!) stand by his side will hopefully lead him in the right directions.
I couldn't be prouder of my little sister.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Day 8
Short term goals for this month and why
Nothing better than this following on the 1st day of the month! It's exactly 71 days until I get married so all my goals are wedding projects! Invitations done and out, shower thank you's done and out, floral for the day done, present for my fiance done, lose 10 more pounds, walk in heels again. I am taking one day off to enjoy opening day baseball for the Toledo Mud Hens!
Whoa, I better get started!
Nothing better than this following on the 1st day of the month! It's exactly 71 days until I get married so all my goals are wedding projects! Invitations done and out, shower thank you's done and out, floral for the day done, present for my fiance done, lose 10 more pounds, walk in heels again. I am taking one day off to enjoy opening day baseball for the Toledo Mud Hens!
Whoa, I better get started!
Day 7
A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
I have two!
My Momma
She is my role model, my best friend and everything I wish to be. I've watched her overcome some of the hardest times. I watched her go from being a stay at home mom to running child care centers (and much more). She is an amazing woman who has always been there for more. I love my momma so much.
My fiance, Timmy
He changed my life. I went from a wild woman who was so insecure and couldn't stop partying with the boys to a confident woman, who cares more about her love, family and helping others than anything else. I never thought I'd want this life, until I met him. I'd never go back to what I was before - this is it!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Day 6
Favorite Super Hero and Why
Horrible question for me, I don't even know any super hero's. I mean, I know Wonder Woman and the main guys - but I've never watched movies about them and couldn't tell you a single thing. So, I guess I'll say right now my favorite super hero is Green Lantern and this is only because Ryan Reynolds will be playing this in a movie soon and I cannot wait to see it.
Horrible question for me, I don't even know any super hero's. I mean, I know Wonder Woman and the main guys - but I've never watched movies about them and couldn't tell you a single thing. So, I guess I'll say right now my favorite super hero is Green Lantern and this is only because Ryan Reynolds will be playing this in a movie soon and I cannot wait to see it.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Day 5
A picture of somewhere you've been too.
I'm going to do a picture of Jamaica, because this was the best vacation I ever had. We went to Montego Bay. The picture is the moment after we got engaged, along the Caribbean. Happiest day of my life, so far! This is also the placed I turned 30 years old and zip lined for the first time.
I'm going to do a picture of Jamaica, because this was the best vacation I ever had. We went to Montego Bay. The picture is the moment after we got engaged, along the Caribbean. Happiest day of my life, so far! This is also the placed I turned 30 years old and zip lined for the first time.
Day 4
A habit you wish you didn't have.
I have a couple:
I have a couple:
- Smoking when I drink, or my nerves are shot
- Anxiety over everything, everyone and every little detail
- Walking in the door with a bad attitude after work
Monday, March 28, 2011
Day 3
A Picture Of You And Your Friends
I don't have an pics of me and my besties all together, because they really don't run in the same circles.... So here's a few!
Me and my gf Rose, having a Mexican Fest at our house one evening. Rose has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She is super creative and would do anything for her friends. We've had a lot of girls nights over wine, learning more and more about each other. I absolutely adore her.
Me and my bestie Kerri, who is also a co worker, at the American Idol concert last year. I honestly could not get through my work days without this girl. She listens to my frustrations, makes me laugh to the point of stomach pain and is just as goofy as I am.
Two bestie's in who have been two totally different parts of me. Denise, on my right has been a friend since 2nd grade, we grew up next door to each other. Amanda, on my left, I just met in the last 3 years and we clicked instantly. I adore both of their kids so much and know I can go to these girls for anything. (Pelase excuse our eyes as we were well into the beers at a Kenny Chesney concert in this pic!)
And last, but not least, our co mance! Our two favorite couples to hang out with. We do as much as we can with this group. They are a riot! This pic was taken on a trip to their home in Northern Michigan, out on the off road vehicle's - we had to stop for a beer! So much love and admiration in this group.
I can definitely say that I truly believe god brough each and everyone of these folks into my life for a reason. My life feels more complete having them in it.
Day 2
I apologize for falling behind, I can never seem to get on the computer on the weekends. I will catch up today!
Day 2 - the meaning behind my blogger name.
Sluttin for Beers was always what myself and my friends called what we did. We'd flirt and kiss to get free drinks at the bars. Even at 31, it still works for me. In fact, I do less flirting and much much less kissing (= zero) and still get the drinks (I owe that to my mature confidence I think) Our main point of attraction for doing this was a little party island not far from our house, called Put-In-Bay. It's known as the Key West of the North. Back at the day, this is were we went to get wild. I still go quite often, but now I go for the music and to people watch. It is fun watching the young girls do their version of Sluttin for Beers! :)
Day 2 - the meaning behind my blogger name.
Sluttin for Beers was always what myself and my friends called what we did. We'd flirt and kiss to get free drinks at the bars. Even at 31, it still works for me. In fact, I do less flirting and much much less kissing (= zero) and still get the drinks (I owe that to my mature confidence I think) Our main point of attraction for doing this was a little party island not far from our house, called Put-In-Bay. It's known as the Key West of the North. Back at the day, this is were we went to get wild. I still go quite often, but now I go for the music and to people watch. It is fun watching the young girls do their version of Sluttin for Beers! :)
Friday, March 25, 2011
30 Days of Me
Another blogger recently challenged me to this. It sounds a lot of fun, so I'm gonna give it a go.
Day 1 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 2 - The meaning behind your blog name
Day 3 - A picture of you and your friends
Day 4 - A habit that you wish you didn't have
Day 5 - A picture of somewhere you've been to
Day 6 - Favorite super hero and why
Day 7 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 8 - Short term goals for this month and why
Day 9 - Something you're proud of in the past few days
Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11 - Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12 - How you found out about blogger and why you made one
Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14 - A picture of you and your family
Day 15 - Put your iPod shuffle on, the first 10 songs played
Day 16 - Another picture of yourself
Day 17 - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18 - Plans/Dreams/Goals you have
Day 19 - Nicknames you have and why you have them
Day 20 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21 - A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23 - Something you crave for a lot
Day 24 - A letter to your parents
Day 25 - What I would find in your bag
Day 26 - What you think about your friends
Day 27 - Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29 - In the past month, what have you learned
Day 30 - Your favorite song
So, here's a recent picture of me!
Day 1 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 2 - The meaning behind your blog name
Day 3 - A picture of you and your friends
Day 4 - A habit that you wish you didn't have
Day 5 - A picture of somewhere you've been to
Day 6 - Favorite super hero and why
Day 7 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 8 - Short term goals for this month and why
Day 9 - Something you're proud of in the past few days
Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11 - Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12 - How you found out about blogger and why you made one
Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14 - A picture of you and your family
Day 15 - Put your iPod shuffle on, the first 10 songs played
Day 16 - Another picture of yourself
Day 17 - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18 - Plans/Dreams/Goals you have
Day 19 - Nicknames you have and why you have them
Day 20 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21 - A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23 - Something you crave for a lot
Day 24 - A letter to your parents
Day 25 - What I would find in your bag
Day 26 - What you think about your friends
Day 27 - Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29 - In the past month, what have you learned
Day 30 - Your favorite song
So, here's a recent picture of me!
This was taken a couple months ago at a very good friends wedding. Here, I am clearly busting a move and doing very awesome at it. Rock on Sista!
The sun is shining
Things are looking up for me! I'm feeling a lot better, smiling and laughing a lot more and feel like I can conquer the world (in small doses).
Today I had an appoinment with my orthopedic doc and they gave me full permission to stop wearing my boot. Huge step! Long way to go yet, I know, but this instantly cheered me up. I'm happy to have shoes back on again - even though they are not heels and may be kinda tight.
My bridal shower is tomorrow and I'm super geeked for it. I never thought I'd have one. I never thought I'd have a day about me. I'm making the most of it, since it will be my only shower ever. Hair shampoo and style, massage, nap time and then the shower with lotso wine. I cannot wait to see everyone, my favorite people that I haven't seen in a very long time. I can't wait to spend it with good friends. I couldn't ask for more.
No major catastrophes lately. I'm always waiting for the next one to drop. My right now, things have been good and I'm happy.
I do want to say a prayer for another blogger friend going through some serious stuff right now. Barbara over at http://parentofheroinaddict.blogspot.com. She's a good person and so is her son. My thoughts of love and encouragement are with her.
Today I had an appoinment with my orthopedic doc and they gave me full permission to stop wearing my boot. Huge step! Long way to go yet, I know, but this instantly cheered me up. I'm happy to have shoes back on again - even though they are not heels and may be kinda tight.
My bridal shower is tomorrow and I'm super geeked for it. I never thought I'd have one. I never thought I'd have a day about me. I'm making the most of it, since it will be my only shower ever. Hair shampoo and style, massage, nap time and then the shower with lotso wine. I cannot wait to see everyone, my favorite people that I haven't seen in a very long time. I can't wait to spend it with good friends. I couldn't ask for more.
No major catastrophes lately. I'm always waiting for the next one to drop. My right now, things have been good and I'm happy.
I do want to say a prayer for another blogger friend going through some serious stuff right now. Barbara over at http://parentofheroinaddict.blogspot.com. She's a good person and so is her son. My thoughts of love and encouragement are with her.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Depression in full force
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm in it in a bad way. Everything just seems to be building up in me.
First, 2 of my BM's are really fed up with 2 of the other ones and calling me to vent about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle it. The thing is, the 2 that the others are mad at, one isn't even really my friend anymore. She's family, but we never talk. She hasn't called to check up on us/me since we had the house fire or the broken leg, so how good of a friend can she be? But, that doesn't even matter. If you offered to do something, do it! Don't leave people hanging. And do it the right way, not the I'll just do it this way, way. I have no clue how to even start handling it. ERRRRRRR.
Second, I had a serious family argument over Christmas. I didn't start it and I def didn't want to be in it, but I was brought into it and it affected me in a bad way. Now, I found out what the cousin, who I got in the argument with, is saying about me and my family behind my back. I really am fighting the urge to pick up the phone and tell him off. He isn't around us everyday, he doesn't know what we actually are like, what we go there and how things are. DON'T JUDGE IF YOU TRULY ARE NOT A PART OF IT AND DON'T KNOW. ERRRRRR.
Third, my mom has been having chest pains. It took everything we had to get her to the ER this weekend. They didn't find anything and she needs to do a follow up with her dctr. But, now I can't stop stressing over the things it could be.
Fourth, my mom needs a different car, a more reliable and safe one. She is fighting me on this issue too. But I want my mom to be safe.
Fifth, I just don't think I can work at my job anymore. One of our lenders was promoted to President. I really thought he would make the needed changes and things would get better. I'm not seeing that and it's really bothering me. I wanted to have so much hope and see an awesome future with the company, but I just don't. It seriously depresses me the thought of coming in to work. I'm extremely sad the whole time I'm at work. I won't even mention the part about me being scared because of some changes going on with my work bff.
Six, our house is so messy. I just look around and see so much that needs done that I'm just not able to do. I want to be able to walk again so I can straighten the house the way it needs to be. Hell, I want to be able to walk again to help the hubby out. I hate that he has to do everything. It bothers me so much.
Seven, my depression and ansyness about my leg is really putting a strain on my relationship. I feel like I never see him. He's always working and when he's home, he's always working on something in a different room than me. I need to be close to a bathroom as much as possible, but that means never seeing him. Then I get upset because I haven't seen him in hours, but yet, I have no clean clothes and the counter tops and floors still have crumbs and stickiness on them - what the hell have you been doing?
I need something good to happen and soon. I can't handle any more bad stuff.
First, 2 of my BM's are really fed up with 2 of the other ones and calling me to vent about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle it. The thing is, the 2 that the others are mad at, one isn't even really my friend anymore. She's family, but we never talk. She hasn't called to check up on us/me since we had the house fire or the broken leg, so how good of a friend can she be? But, that doesn't even matter. If you offered to do something, do it! Don't leave people hanging. And do it the right way, not the I'll just do it this way, way. I have no clue how to even start handling it. ERRRRRRR.
Second, I had a serious family argument over Christmas. I didn't start it and I def didn't want to be in it, but I was brought into it and it affected me in a bad way. Now, I found out what the cousin, who I got in the argument with, is saying about me and my family behind my back. I really am fighting the urge to pick up the phone and tell him off. He isn't around us everyday, he doesn't know what we actually are like, what we go there and how things are. DON'T JUDGE IF YOU TRULY ARE NOT A PART OF IT AND DON'T KNOW. ERRRRRR.
Third, my mom has been having chest pains. It took everything we had to get her to the ER this weekend. They didn't find anything and she needs to do a follow up with her dctr. But, now I can't stop stressing over the things it could be.
Fourth, my mom needs a different car, a more reliable and safe one. She is fighting me on this issue too. But I want my mom to be safe.
Fifth, I just don't think I can work at my job anymore. One of our lenders was promoted to President. I really thought he would make the needed changes and things would get better. I'm not seeing that and it's really bothering me. I wanted to have so much hope and see an awesome future with the company, but I just don't. It seriously depresses me the thought of coming in to work. I'm extremely sad the whole time I'm at work. I won't even mention the part about me being scared because of some changes going on with my work bff.
Six, our house is so messy. I just look around and see so much that needs done that I'm just not able to do. I want to be able to walk again so I can straighten the house the way it needs to be. Hell, I want to be able to walk again to help the hubby out. I hate that he has to do everything. It bothers me so much.
Seven, my depression and ansyness about my leg is really putting a strain on my relationship. I feel like I never see him. He's always working and when he's home, he's always working on something in a different room than me. I need to be close to a bathroom as much as possible, but that means never seeing him. Then I get upset because I haven't seen him in hours, but yet, I have no clean clothes and the counter tops and floors still have crumbs and stickiness on them - what the hell have you been doing?
I need something good to happen and soon. I can't handle any more bad stuff.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I would not wish this on my worst enemy
So, my girls weekend in Florida was a total bust. The first day in, first thing in the morning, I broke my leg in two spots. I ended spending all day that day in the ER until I had surgery that night and then the next two days in a hospital bed. I had to have a rod put in, which that is the last thing bothering me. My tib fracture hurts like hell and left me an ugly, ugly fracture blister. I can feel the bones moving and adjusting down there everytime I move my leg. Plus, I also broke my toe, but it's actually something broken in the top of my foot and it hurts like hell. I have a walker or crutches on every floor of our house to get around. It's such a pain. I can barely carry anything so I'm not able to clean up the house like I'd like it to be or take care of myself. I'm going insane. The fiancee is trying and he's gotten better, but our house right now, is no were up to my standards. And it's going to be a minimum of 2 months until I can start doing things on my own like that. Needless to say I am very frustrated. I cry on a daily basis of how hard this is. I'd really rather take pain meds for the two months and not leave the bed. It's embarressing trying to walk around in public with a walker. I'm always holding everyone up and people stare like crazy. I have zero appetite and nothing will quench my thirst. I'm a depressed mess.
OH and of course, my Dallas trip had to be cancelled so both trips I was so looking forward to this winter ruined. :(
If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
OH and of course, my Dallas trip had to be cancelled so both trips I was so looking forward to this winter ruined. :(
If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Fun times
We had a great time this past weekend and we really needed it. We started going hard core with this diet and work outs on January 3rd. So far, we've been doing great. But, the hardest part has been that we cut out drinking. It use to be we both had a couple beers or a couple glass' of wine every night. That was the first thing we cut out of our diets. It's been hard. The first Friday night, I didn't even want to leave work. I was so stressed about going home and not being able to relax with a couple drinks. Or not be able to go out and relax. I actually went straight to bed after work that night (630pm) to sleep through my horrible mood because of it. This past weekend, we splurged quite a bit though. We headed out Friday night for some sushi and bowling and had some beers. It was a fun night. My fiancee and I really do have so much fun hanging out together. We stuck to Miller 64's and it was so easy.
Saturday we really splurged. I had a couple beers (again 64's) at lunch with friends. Then, we went over to our friends to have dinner that night. They made a fabulous lasagna with cheesy garlic bread. I couldn't help but chow down on it, it was so good. It'd have been rude not to, right? I also had over a bottle of wine and the fiancee had quite a few beers.
So.... we did gain a little bit of our weight back from the weekend but it was so worth it!
I'm heading out this weekend for a long weekend, girls trip to Florida and I cannot wait. It is drizzly, cold and plain crappy weather here. I'm ready for a small break from it. Just hoping I don't gain a ton of weight while there.
I did have my half birthday. Yes, we celebrate those. The fiancee started it because his birthday always falls around Thanksgiving, so this gives him an opportunity to celebrate without the holidays. I'm such a lucky girl. I got crazy gifts for my half birthday. A beautiful bouquet delivered to work, some black diamond studs, a new camera and some Jessica Simpson heels! Way more than I ever expected and I LOVED it!
The only downside we've had so far this year is my brother. He went to court for his mess and has to do 15 days in jail. This is heart breaking to me. I hate the thought of my baby brother, the guy who means most to me (equal to Fiancee, of course!) sitting in jail. 15 days isn't long, but I still don't like it. He also has to do 50 hours of community service and we are having a hell of a time finding something for him to do. It is a lot harder in the winter time to find things. The hardest part is going to be that he is on probation for a year. He has a serious drinking problem and the terms of probation is that he cannot buy or consume alcohol or be in a drinking establishment. That sucks. I don't know if he's going to be able to do this. All I can do is hope and pray everyday for him.
Saturday we really splurged. I had a couple beers (again 64's) at lunch with friends. Then, we went over to our friends to have dinner that night. They made a fabulous lasagna with cheesy garlic bread. I couldn't help but chow down on it, it was so good. It'd have been rude not to, right? I also had over a bottle of wine and the fiancee had quite a few beers.
So.... we did gain a little bit of our weight back from the weekend but it was so worth it!
I'm heading out this weekend for a long weekend, girls trip to Florida and I cannot wait. It is drizzly, cold and plain crappy weather here. I'm ready for a small break from it. Just hoping I don't gain a ton of weight while there.
I did have my half birthday. Yes, we celebrate those. The fiancee started it because his birthday always falls around Thanksgiving, so this gives him an opportunity to celebrate without the holidays. I'm such a lucky girl. I got crazy gifts for my half birthday. A beautiful bouquet delivered to work, some black diamond studs, a new camera and some Jessica Simpson heels! Way more than I ever expected and I LOVED it!
The only downside we've had so far this year is my brother. He went to court for his mess and has to do 15 days in jail. This is heart breaking to me. I hate the thought of my baby brother, the guy who means most to me (equal to Fiancee, of course!) sitting in jail. 15 days isn't long, but I still don't like it. He also has to do 50 hours of community service and we are having a hell of a time finding something for him to do. It is a lot harder in the winter time to find things. The hardest part is going to be that he is on probation for a year. He has a serious drinking problem and the terms of probation is that he cannot buy or consume alcohol or be in a drinking establishment. That sucks. I don't know if he's going to be able to do this. All I can do is hope and pray everyday for him.
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