Cribbs Wedding!

Tim's best friend from high school got married a few weekends ago. He is based in New Jersey and the wedding was taking place in NYC. It was kind of a whirlwind planning and Tim has had a huge project going on at work, so we were not positive that he would even be able to go. I mean, the wedding was days before his cutover, the high point of the project. Somehow, the gods came together and we got the opportunity for a quick weekend jaunt. We flew in Friday after work and it was non stop from there. Friday night we hit a Korean diner (horrible food, but made a funny experience) and then the guys headed off to a night of pre wedding gaming. I was so excited for Tim to get to do this with his guys, not too mention my night alone just relaxing in the hotel bed = perfect for both of us!
Saturday we had the whole day free so we decided to head into the city and do some touristy activities. Tim had of course done his research and decided the hop on/hop off bus was best for our time limits and all we wanted to see. Perfect plan! We got to relax, take a tour of the city while getting the education. We saw everything, except for any celebrity sightings – WTF! We didn't have the time to hop off at any sights, but it was good enough. Plus, I was able to make a list of what I would want to focus on in my next trip (and after my list… I'm thinking girl weekend getaway!) Saturday night was the welcoming dinner for the guest and family…. More Korean! And it was a lot of food! More than I could have ever ate… and I did find a few things I enjoyed in it.
Sunday we again had the whole day available so we headed out to more sighting seeing. We did the uptown tour on Saturday so we did the downtown tour on Sunday…… again, perfect for us. We had some extra time to kill after it was done, so we hit the top stores my guy would love – FAO Schwartz and the Apple Store, of course. Grabbed some food truck food and then it was time to head back and get ready for the wedding. I was at my breaking point for the day by then too. Between the heat and the people, I needed to relax some.
Final night – Wedding time! It was a really cool experience. They also did a Korean ceremony, in addition to a classic…. Very cool to see and be a part of it. Interesting too. Their wedding was fun and so touching. Here's what I can say weddings do to me now. Cry. I have never ever been that girl…. But now, when I see a couple in love as much as I am… it's really gets me. I crying out of happiness that they are getting to have the same experience I am in love. When you find that someone, you want others to be just as happy as you are. #sappykelly over. …. There was definitely some dancing that night going on and we had fun watching that. But, since we are old cruds, we ended up moving to the lobby area and hanging out, more guy catch up time. OH and of course, the buffet… Korean! It's been a month and I'm still happy to not have seen Korean food since then. Also, with that style… they don't have just regular old beer. It was Korean beer… not bad, but hard to know what to get. And only Chardonnay, so I ended up drinking a couple bottles of
champs. Oops. That made for an interesting flight home… I felt awful! But, that was also part we only had a few hours sleep before we head to grab the 9am flight. All in all, great weekend. Most of all, I love my husbands friends so much. They are hilarious and we had so much fun. I def wish my Timmy got to see these guys more often. #goals

 

And I’m old

So, I've officially turned 35. I have so many thoughts and conflictions on this. My conflictions, I feel old. I miss my 20's. I miss how I looked. I miss the good friends I had. I miss so much. The good…. I am happy were my life is. I have a job I like. A fabulous marriage with the most perfect man. I'm happy, that's what's important.

We had a busy birthday weekend. Friday night I went to a concert with some close friends, that was a decent time. Saturday we went to PIB with Smiles. Unfortunately, we have both been going going going so much that we passed out by 8 and were done for the night. Sunday was probably the perfect day. We relaxed at the bay for awhile hanging out on his boat. Sundays at the bay are always the best and this day was no different, as we watched the dock masters moving boats around as folks were leaving. It was relaxing and I got to soak up the sun at the same time = bliss! I got to go home and take a nice long nap and then we finished the night off with a dinner at Real Seafood, capatilizing on my free meal. Now Sunday, that was the perfect birthday. Still……Sigh…. I'm in a new age bracket.

Times to remember….

I don't do a very good job of tracking all the things my hubs and I do. And there is a lot. I'm already 35 (eeeek) and I can't remember way too much. So, I started to go back to my blogging and use it to remember all of our good times.

Things really haven't changed on the family side. It's always touch and go. Thankfully Xanax has helped me have no stress when it comes along. Sometimes I don't think Xanax is worth it as it makes me a zombie 90% of the time – with no feeling. BUT, when those incredibly stressful moments happen, I am thankful for the Xanax.

Anxiety

Right now, I'm just not doing good.  I cannot stop my mind from going crazy and thinking of everything.  My little brother... the guy who has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone.... the guy who makes me laugh more than anyone else..... is sitting in maximum security jail.  How is this possible?  He is not a criminal!  I'm not handling things well at all.

Court

I did have a talk with my brother this morning when I arrived to pick him up.  I told him what he said to me Saturday and how he lied to me on Tuesday.  He said, but I just did a little bit.  Don't you just love the addicts mind?  I explained I was really disappointed in him to hear that he did coke, but more disappointed that he lied to me because we've never had that type of relationship.  I also told him that I told the cops that he had it in his system and that is why he was tested.  I said, I can't have another addiction come into our lives.  We cannot even begin to handle the one we have.  I told him now is the time, tell the judge, I have a problem and need help.

Here's the issue.  My brother is smart, in his own, but not book smart (and def legal smart) by any means.  He was going in front of the judge by himself today.  The judge asked him one question out of order for him, threw him off and now it's all screwed up.  If the judge would have asked, how do you plea?  He would have done no contest, said his words, got his sentencing.  Unfortunately we forgot to discuss with him that the judge would ask if he wanted to speak to a lawyer.  So, when the judge asked, he said yes.  The judge then continued his case until next week and took him straight to jail.

I just sat there dumbfounded.  I didn't know what to do.  I wanted to stand up and talk to the judge.  

I've never felt so helpless. I screwed up by not planning correctly and studying with him on how to speak.  Now I don't know what to do.  We can't afford a lawyer again (and don't need one, really), but we do need someone to speak on my brothers behalf as he does not comprehend questions well AT ALL.  Part of his learning disorder.  It's not I can sit and coach him over the phone on how it'll work.  Much less, during the limited visitation hours I can make.  Right now, I'm hoping he can get a public defender before next court, next Wednesday, just to have someone help him with the questions.  We did talk to him once already today and told him to ask the guards.  I really have no clue how these things work.

My poor mom is already going crazy at the thought of not having him home.  She called today asking to get my dog for the week.  She doesn't handle the silence and "thinking non stop" well - well, neither of us do.

However, I will sleep well this week, with no worries of middle of the night phone calls.


Peace, Love & Laughter

Finally got the call

His PO didn't call until today, two days after he was caught.  He got called in and they did drug test (probably because of what I said to the cop) and he was positive for coke. 

My first thought.... I didn't think coke showed up for more than 24 hours.  Does that mean he's done it since Sunday???

I had hoped for a couple days in jail and an ankle bracelet but his PO told him that an ankle bracelet doesn't detect coke.  So, I'm guessing that means jail time???  WHAT THE HELL is jail time going to do???? He needs forced counseling and a recovery program.

When my brother called me to tell me what happened, he flat out said he's never done coke.  He must not remember telling me in his drunken stupor of the weekend that he does.  I didn't mention it.  I was hurt by more lies.  I'm going to tomorrow though.  I'm going to tell him that he did tell me he does coke and that was the moment I've been the most disappointed in anyone in my life.  I want him to know he can't lie to me anymore and I'm worried about him.  Will he go to jail thinking about that?  Is it the right thing to do?  I don't know what to think anymore. All I know is I'm very scared.

Thoughts and prayers appreciated.

This past weekend

Things have been rough.  My brother has been on a drinking binge for awhile now.  He is in full on addict behavior.  Lying horribly.  I had too much faith and believed a lot of it.  (The lie I hear most and believe -No, I haven't even drank today.)  I was suppose to take him golfing a couple weeks ago and he picked alcohol over spending time with his sister, that made me sad itself. 

He's also been drinking and driving alot lately.  There's been some bad situations.  Luckily no one has gotten hurt.

Well, this weekend we turned him in for all the stuff that's been happening.  He is on probation (that's a whole other story) and not allowed to drink.  He had been drinking non stop all weekend.  He also told me that he's been doing coke with his boss.  I think that's the part that set me over the edge.  That's the part that got me to help my mom. 

His truck was parked at his boss' house so we sat there all day on Sunday - 5 hours total, waiting for him to come home.  We really wanted to make sure he didn't drive.  It was a nice bonding time with my mom.  He showed up and with his bosses help, let me drive his truck home for him.  He was not in good shape.  I got him home and watched to make sure he didn't leave.  While my mom went to the police station to get an officer, who luckily is a really good guy, we know him well.  She brought him over and he did a blow test on my brother.  He blew .24.  I couldn't believe it.  The cop does treat my brother like a friend, or ever little brother.  He knows he doesn't have any good male influence around and his good to him.  He talked to him a lot, stern, but he did in a good way.  I was impressed and thankful.  My brother didn't argue and just said, 'I know, you're just doing your job.'  The cop made his report and sent it to my brothers probation officer.  As far as we know, his PO hasn't called me him today and it's going on 2:30.

He could face up to 6 months in jail now.  I'm hoping for a few days time served and then an ankle monitor and serious alcohol counseling and treatment for a long time.  Jail isn't going to do anything, he needs help.

I'm a devastated big sister.  I'm scared that I was involved with this and it has ruined the friendship and closeness we have.  I love this guy more than anything.  I'm scared of the thoughts and fears going through his head right now.  I just want to hug him and let him know that it will all be alright, but who really knows if it will?  

Please keep him and my mom in your thoughts and prayers right now.

Side Note - I got sidetracked on my blog again.  With the wedding, some philanthropy stuff I do, stress with my brother..... it got totally blown off.  I'm back.  I need to sit down and really put my thoughts down.  Even if no one out there pays attention, I'm getting my head sorted by writing and that's what matters most. 

I'm also planning on introducing my mom to a couple of the parents of addicts blogs I follow.  They are most all due to drug addiction, but an addict is an addict and she will hopefully relate and find a kinship.

Peace, love and laughter..........